365 days of aRt. DAY FORTY-NINE.

i'm standing here in front of you
trying not to judge you
trying to be the love who can get you through this mess
but i'm messing up
see, i've given up
but it hasn't surfaced yet

Have you ever faced internal shut down? The kind that has you giving up even when you're still working towards something. The apathetic voice that says 'THERE'S NO USE' even though you keep trying. Sometimes this can be good. When we push on and challenge ourselves after our mind has said 'NO WAY'. But sometimes this notion of giving up gets lost within us and we don't even realize that we've let it conquer our actions until we actually open ourselves to the moment. I've been there. I've faced this kind of shut down in a relationship, where the daily grind was just going through the motions -- when my inner dialogue was screaming defeat and I kept trudging on with numb emotions. We have a responsibility to the self -- to check in on our internal conversation. To really be aware of the reasons we engage in different actions throughout the day. Are we acting out of habit or out of conscious thought? Take the time to evaluate..