away
i became different
a little wiser
and oh so calm
and when i returned
the world rushed around
on the edge of their seats
waiting, just waiting to explode
and there i stood
in the midst of downtown traffic
smiling
and knowing
this is not where i want to be
so guide me dear juliet
to my heart's longing
help me to match the outside
with the inner beauty
help me to forsake the name
of fortune and fame
and find dreams that
envelope my soul
and send me traveling
across the country.
(canvas text)
Blog about the piece:
I'm still processing the conversation I just left moments ago, and I'm going to attempt blogging it because ironically it's so much the essence of today's canvas. I begin my nursing program two weeks from tomorrow, and lately I've been feeling this incredible resistance to it all -- I feel lethargic when I think about getting my books, and I put off registering for my classes, and I feel anxiety like I've never felt just thinking about stepping foot into another hospital again. It's weird, I've worked so hard to be at this point in my life -- and internally, it's like a fight to feel happy for it. I tell people that I'm working on this notion of being at peace with my decision to pursue nursing, but somehow my practice for content just isn't working as well nor as fast as I need it to. And then in walks today's conversation that changes everything -- where recognition for being an artist is confirmed and the idea that I'm romanticizing art as a way of life, well this kind of just goes away. I was told that my passions and my life's work are unaligned, and when this happens things get messy -- health takes a turn, injuries happen (wrist), and signs and coincidences are so obvious and constant that it seems they're falling from the sky. So now that I have the answer (even though I think I really always knew the answer), what am I going to do with this truth? Taking the first step seems to always be the toughest, does is not?
...and there i stood in the midst of downtown traffic, smiling, and knowing this is not where i want to be.
No comments:
Post a Comment